How To Impress a Girl in 60 secs…!

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gold-silver-reportsBefore I start, I wanna tell you… I am not a sexist and I am definitely not a believer of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus concept. But I do agree that when it comes to impressing the opposite gender there are certain rules…And here they are, how to impress a girl :

1.  Choose a girl of your level (I mean if you are a ugly troll then don’t go thinking that you can impress a girl like Katrina Kaif or Elisha Cuthbert after reading this article, I will not be responsible for the slaps and cases that may follow).

2.  When you find the girl that you like, go over and talk (girls don’t like shy men and overgrown babies who still believe in cooties).

3.  Now you are on the clock, studies have shown that a female brain will only entertain a male if he makes an interesting gesture in the first 10 secs. Always open the conversation with a simple hi or hello don’t go opening your mouth with “Yo” or “Wassup” (trust me in this case cause I have tried and the girl though that I was high or something). Also always look a girl in her eyes. Even if she doesn’t like you, she will still remember you. (I base this on a sentence from Valkyrie, Before the guy gets executed the officer tells him to look into the eyes of the shooter before they shoot him, because then he will be remembered by them) Of course in this case you are not going to die but you still will be remembered.

4. Ask a simple and a cheesy question for e.g. About her tuition classes… Or make up a place where you saw her. If she answers with a simple “yes” or a place, without a smile or an expression then she is not interested or she has a boyfriend (that’s the end of the line for you dum dum) Move to the next girl. But if you get the answer with a smile or an enthusiastic behavior it means that she is interested in talking to you (I am still not claiming she doesn’t have a boyfriend)

5. This happens in time span of 20 secs, Now next step is not to ask her name (though us boys being experts on background checks already know it) Now if she likes English phrases or is fluent in the language… Throw around some sarcastic jokes. Make her smile always try to relate to an incident that happened in front of you or if you saw someone funny. Don’t come on too strong though. Don’t crack desperate jokes like Chandler (F.R.I.E.N.D.S) or act all Barneyish (How I Met Your Mother). Keep it cool. Keep it simple. Keep it funny.

6. Now that you have made her laugh (in a normal and an un-threatened way) it’s time to start a normal conversation. Now a few pointers, you have already told her where you saw her, don’t ask “what, why” questions about the place where you saw her. It’s always good to come off as the good guy and not the stalker (trust me cause if you become the stalker then its likely going to get you a meeting with one of her guy friends). Start about the upcoming exams (always gets a person a talking) Share some info that you think she might not know, for example, the date of an Entrance Exam… Or date of a form submission. (if you are not sure about it then start as “there is a rumor that…”) She will confirm it.

7. If you get this far then you are in (not in the vulgar way idiot). Now saying bye is where it matters. If you like the girl and she tells you to stick around, please don’t. Make up some excuse, and get the hell out of there. Why? Because like I said let her remember you. So the next time, you don’t have to read this article but the next time she will just say hi (and do most of the talking herself) Now back to saying good bye. It is a very crucial part of conversation. When you give her a hint that you are leaving say this “It was nice talking to you + NAME”. She will ask for yours. Please answer with your name, plain and simple. Don’t use hyper tones in saying your name, don’t crack jokes on your name and say it with dignity. She will remember your name exactly the way you say it. In the rare case that you don’t know her name now is the time to ask. But ask her like this “It was nice talking to you?” at the end of the sentence put a question mark look on your face. She will tell you with a sweet smile. Then? Leave. Say a simple bye followed with “see you around sometimes” wait for her to reply. Take two steps, turn around smile and wave bye. (Now please don’t look back again or else you are going to seem like a weirdo)

Couple of points to remember:

1. To check if she has a boyfriend or not :( Most girls have either a pet boyfriend or a watcher boyfriend. And here is how you distinguish between the two) A pet boyfriend is usually the one who is a bit weak (physically) and who looks at you and then looks the other way. If she is still talking to you despite that guy being there without any apparent acknowledgement of him being there then you get the green signal. These boyfriends are a fairly easy to talk to and they are not the jealous types, so they can be your friend. However, a watcher boyfriend is someone who you have too lookout for. Observe the girl from a distance, if there is a guy around her who has his eyes all over the place (not looking at girls but with a cold stare) then he is looking for guys like you. This guy is the jealous type (he is most likely to give you a black eye or some bruises atleast if you don’t play it well). When you go over to her, talk normally, look at the both of them and play it cool. Don’t fidget while talking and don’t let your eyes wander over the girl for even a second. Keep looking at the both of them and keep playing it cool. Even if the guy gets some wrong vibes (for some weird reason they always do) you will have still made an impression on the girl, and like I have quoted you will be remembered.

2. If you are physically weak (fat or thin) then make sure that you don’t let her notice it. I mean don’t suck in your stomach and walk like Govinda from partner. But be confident about yourself. It is always a good idea to steer clear of the physical looks topic. This is because you will never come off as the “shallow type”.

3. Always remember that even if a girl is like a “Gothic Chick” in the end the sweet guy that understands her always wins. True story.